Tomorrow I have continued training for my class 2 license. My last day of training was a day of not training. Clinical depression can make you a little weird sometimes. My trainer kept upsetting me, and it eventually got to the point of going into an anxiety attack. I got halfway through my pretrip and couldn’t continue. Now I have to say that I’m a little scared about going in tomorrow. What if she told people about what happened? I don’t deal with embarassment well. Being embarassed actually throws me completely off kilter. I’m afraid that if she did tell them, not only will everyone there think I’m some sort of whack-job, but what if they decide I’m not fit to be a bus driver? I know that I am. The problem is, I can’t even say what it was that really set me off last Friday. What I would like to happen on Monday is for her to just shut up and let me do it. I do not fear the road test. With a little more practice behind the wheel I am confident I will pass the road test. But I am scared of Monday and what it may be like. I have a special gift for envisioning the worst possible scenario and believing it possible. But I also have a tendency to accredit more intelligence to the people involved so the worst case scenarios seldom happen. But I am worried. It’s going to take everything I have to drag myself over there tomorrow. And it will be even harder to speak to, let alone look at, my trainer. What will I do?
Suck it up, I guess. Or rather, I gotta let God do that.