God works in mysterious ways.
My husband, who is not a Christian, chooses which of two churches we attend each Sunday. I asked him to do this for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I know God works through non-Christians too. I’ve been under attack from the enemy for quite some time & it’s been very wearing, so I put my faith in God to lead Brad to where we needed to be every Sunday.
Today I was exactly where I needed to be. I learned exactly what has been going on, and what has been keeping me from a close relationship with God.
I have, what my pastor called an Orphan Spirit. She didn’t mean I was possessed by an orphan, but rather that “An orphan spirit is a heart attitude (feelings) and a mental stronghold (thinking resulting from the feelings).” (FYI, Any quotes in this blog are from the notes insert that was in the bulletin.)
The following are signs of an Orphan Spirit:
1. Inability to have lasting relationships
Anyone who reads some of my previous blogging (on this one or the other site I used to use) they’ll know that I can’t keep friends. I never have.
2. Drawing near then backing away from intimacy
This is one of my biggest things. I am alone in a crowd most of the time and if there’s an opportunity to withdraw physically, I do it.
3. Hatred of authority
This is the only one that I don’t think applies to me (and there are 5 more points) – at least not that I can think of.
4. General distrust of leaders
It was kind of funny as I was reading this list; I got to number 3 and thought to myself “I don’t hate authority, I just don’t trust them”, and sure enough, what’s the next point.
I’m not sure where this distrust came from for except for maybe seeing my own area of leadership (mainly motherhood) has been disappointing; how I feel I have failed as a mother.
5. General lack of direction for you life.
This is a real biggie for me. I’ve been through job after job after job from waitressing to retail, to home care, to legal assistant, to advertising, to school bus driver. I have never been able to figure out where I fit; or rather, I haven’t been able to fit in anywhere, probably because of a lot of the above points.
6. Sense of failure
This is the other biggie. For the most part, I have a tendency to feel like I’ve failed at pretty much everything I’ve attempted. My first marriage failed, I flunked out of college, my children have so many problems. It’s hard not to feel like a failure, especially when I know how badly I’ve failed as a Christian: and the majority of my screw ups as a Christians seriously affected others in a very negative way.
7. Unnatural need for recognition & 8. Unnatural drive to succeed, win & prove yourself.
These I could attribute more to things that my pastor talked about in relation to earlier points.
One being that because I seem to fail so much, when it seems I’m succeeding I need affirmation of this. – quite honestly, I can’t really explain this now.
I’m now going to type out, from the notes insert, the scripture & prayers that really made all the difference to me:
The spirit of Adoption
Romans 8:15-17 (Amplified Bible)
15For [the Spirit which] you have now received [is] not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption [the Spirit producing sonship] in [the bliss of] which we cry, Abba (Father)! Father! 16The Spirit Himself [thus] testifies together with our own spirit, [assuring us] that we are children of God. 17And if we are [His] children, then we are [His] heirs also: heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ [sharing His inheritance with Him]; only we must share His suffering if we are to share His glory.
My pastor also reminded us of how adopted children have more rights than natural children do: you can disown or disinherit your own child, but you can’t do that to an adopted child.
Below are the prayers:
Breaking the Orphan Spirit
Jesus, please forgive me for embracing the attitudes, actions and heart of an orphan. Your heart and desire for me is that I am a healthy part of a spiritual family. In Jesus name, I loos myself from this orphan spirit and bind my body, soul and spirit to God’s will and purpose for me. I ask that you would heal my mind and heart from the wounds of abandonment and rejection. Reveal to me all the areas of my life that have been wounded. Heal those areas and make me whole. Help me to forgive everyone who has wounded me or failed me. In Jesus’ name, I align myself to the purposes and destiny that God has for my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Jesus, You have said that we will be forgiven as we forgive others. I know this is not an impossible commandment to fulfill, although my soul thinks it is. I loose every wrong idea and pattern of thinking that I have ever entertained about what is fair and right for me. I loose every wrong attitude I have ever had towards those who have embarrassed, humiliated or ridiculed me. I loose every wrong desire for even the smallest bit of revenge. I bind my will to Your will and Your way. I know you want me to set every person free from any responsibility to me, regardless of what they have done. I will forgive and I will let you work out the details according to Your great plans and purposes. Thank You for Your continued forgiveness in my life. In Jesus’ Name, amen.
(from BREAKING THE POWER by Liberty Savard)
That passage & those prayers, I found to be very powerful. I wept hard and prayed those prayers and I feel so much freer. My pastor told me after the service to pray them every morning and night till I feel totally free and I intend to follow her advice. And I can think of 2 other women right now who I’m sure suffer from this orphan spirit as I have been – my mother & my sister. Perhaps they’ll read this and maybe listen to the service themselves (http://necf.ca/ and click on Archive of Services for March 21, 2010). I know they long for freedom and perhaps, may have given up on it… but it really is possible.
Thank you Jesus.