I’d upload the song if I had it…sorry to disappoint.
When people don’t like you for who you are, you try to be someone else. And sometimes you have to try more than once. The problem is, eventually, you don’t know who is the real you.
I do and say things for shock value. I disclose information only a little bit so that the listeners’ mind can wander wherever it wishes. And they usually wander to areas that do not make me look good. I do this subconsciously to drive people away. If they don’t really get to know me, then they won’t be disgusted by who I am – or who I think I am, because I’m really not sure. I’d rather just make them not like me on my terms than have them just find me to be an icky person to be around.
…The above is something I started to write a few days ago after our small group meeting. I felt that I had just said too much, and that all that I had said would make everyone in the group dislike me. That very well may be. But the reason that the above blog is not complete is really quite a remarkable feat, at least for me.
I have been under a spiritual attack for several years. I didn’t realize that it was a spiritual attack until I rid my body of the anti-depressants that I had been taking for years. (Don’t misconstrue that to mean that I think anti-depressants are bad. They have their place and at one time they were necessary for me.) After I went off them (and I blogged about it on a different blog site but copy&pasted them on the the December 2009 posts if you’re interested. That blog site is too twitchy, which is why I’m using this one), my mind cleared considerably and, with the help of a wonderful book called The Bondage Breaker, I was able to see what was really going on.
I’m not going to go into detail about the book, but the author, Neal Anderson, brought up on several occasions a verse from 2 Corinthians 10. The last part of verse 5 says: “…taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” That verse became my anchor for several months. Every time that a negative, self disparaging thought came into my head I grabbed it and gave it to God.
Now, this is where the remarkable feat comes in. After small group, such types of thoughts roamed around in my head for a few hours (things like “I should just stay out of the group before I bum everybody out.” and “Now you’re just going to embarrass yourself and them by being around them.” and worse) even into the next day, when I started this blog. What is remarkable is that I didn’t dwell on it and go into despair, which is usually what happens. I know that that is a part of my soul that satan no longer has a good hold on. Even issues in my marriage, which are not totally resolved but are certainly on their way, are not causing me to sink into despair whenever something happens.
Now, I see that I said above that I may have made my small group dislike me. This is proof that the enemy’s hold isn’t completely gone, but I declare now that I will trust in the grace and faith of the Christians in my small group. If they are followers of Jesus, which I’m certain they all are, they will love me with the love of Christ. Trust is something very difficult for me but I will rely on God’s strength.
I can’t thank or praise God enough for the work He’s done in me! This may make no sense to many people unless they’ve been on the self-destruct mode that I was on for most of my adult life… I know I wasn’t the only self-destroyer out there. But I wanted to share it anyway.
In the words of TobyMac: “Hey, devil, go on, get your junk outta here!”
Below is a copy-and-paste of the devotional from Neal Anderson (that I get in my email) which inspired me to finish this blog:
ACCORDING TO THE SPIRIT
For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit
The center of all spiritual bondage is the mind. That’s where the battle must be fought and won if you are to experience the freedom in Christ He purchased for you on the cross. Paul wrote: “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5).
Before you came to Christ, bad habits and sinful thought patterns were established as you learned to live your life independently of God. Your non-Christian environment taught you to think about and respond to life in a non-Christian way, and those patterns and responses were ingrained in your mind as strongholds. When you became a Christian, your old fleshly habits and patterns weren’t erased; they are still a part of your flesh which must be dealt with on a daily basis. Thankfully, however, you are not just a product of your past; you are a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), and now you are primarily the product of the work of Christ on the cross.
Old strongholds can be destroyed. Patterns of negative thinking and behavior are learned, and they can be unlearned through disciplined Bible study. Some strongholds are the result of demonic influences and spiritual conflicts from past and present mental assaults. If people believe Satan’s lies, those lies will control their lives. These people need to be freed from the shackles of Satan’s lies by God’s truth. Jesus said: “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).
Victory is truly available for those who are in Christ. There is a war raging for our minds, but we are on the winning side, for we are more than conquerors in Christ!
Prayer: Today, Lord, I tear down all thoughts established in my mind against the knowledge of You. I choose to believe who You are and who I am in Christ.