I’m back the job dilemma….
I’m working now. Back to driving a school bus. And I hate it. And the reasons I hate it have nothing to do with the kids.
The primary reason I hate it is the juvenile behavior of the other drivers and the disorganized chaos on which the company I work for (and the companies I worked for before) seem to run on. I need order in my day. It drives me crazy to hear the same questions asked over the radio over and over again. I want to grab the mike and say, “If you can’t remember the answer, write it down.” But who would hear me over the childish drivers who press their mike button repeatedly so you only hear every other word when someone is trying to talk. Or the worse-than-any-teenager behavior of the drivers who don’t like where you parked so they lock up your bus so you can’t get into it. Or listening to dispatch ask, “Where are buses number 512 and 389?” Why don’t they know where their own buses are? Or how about the fact that I am on my third bus and all three of the buses that I have driven were, when I first picked them up, full of garbage and empty of fuel. What is the matter with these other drivers? They are the ones driving me away.
I can’t stand chaos among people who should be adults but don’t act like it. I need order.
So I’ve been looking for another job.
But I’m not sure if I should be.
As a follower of Christ, I should respond to all of this with the attitude of Christ. I know I am failing miserably. I don’t like how I am with all this going on. I find myself muttering things I used to say, that I’m not proud of, under my breath. I’m disappointed with myself in this aspect.
But there is also the second reason I hate this job.
I’m so, so very tired. The day starts very early and doesn’t end until 12 hours later. Even though I have 2 runs, the morning to school and the afternoon from school, it’s a split shift that starts terribly early and literally ends 12 hours later. It’s exhausting. I have to be up at 5 in the morning to get my bus started (especially in the cold – if school only ran during the summer, there wouldn’t be a problem). Then, in the afternoon after I drop off my last kid, I have to wait in line at one of the few Hughes stations, where all the other buses in the city fuel up at the same time. I’m lucky if I’m home by 5. Now in the cold weather I have to fuel up after my run so I won’t be home before 5:30.
On top of all this I bring my daughter with me. It’s convenient that I don’t have to worry about child care. But my daughter was a surprise. She came along when I thought I was done having children. So I’m older and tireder than I was when I had my other kids. So being with her 24/7 is exhausting. When I worked for the Bargain Finder, when Jordynn was around 18 months, I couldn’t understand how some of the other women complained about having to come to work. I’m sure I’m not the only woman who, after going to work after staying at home with the kids, felt that going to work was a lot like going on vacation, only you got paid too. As a bus driver, with my daughter with me, I don’t get to leave being “mom” at home. I have to look after my daughter while I work. That makes it doubly exhausting.
(I will have to look at child care if I find another job, which will be an expense that may be difficult, but it is something I will have to look into.)
I have a lot of time in between my runs that I had expected to be the time I could use for my writing, reading and doing my school work. But I can’t because I’m too tired to concentrate most of the time.
The third reason may be a little petty.
I don’t like having to work in the cold….there, I said it. Running around the bus doing the pre-trip in -30 temperatures is not my idea of fun. I know I must be getting old, because the cold is starting to bother me a lot more than it ever did before.
To add one more thing; only this afternoon did I learn of a policy that does not sit well with me. I’m not going to say here what it is, but if it was asked of me, I would not do it.
The second reason alone seems like a real enough reason to find another job. At least to me…I’m sure there may be some who read this (as if anybody reads this) who may think very little of me afterward. All I can say to that is, walk a mile in my shoes. Then you can judge me.
So, should I try to do this job in a more Christ-like way? Or should I find something else?
And then there’s the issue of if I get another job, what should I do? Anyone who’s read my resume will know why I call myself a Jack of all Trades. I’ve worked in the medical field, law, service, retail, advertising, transportation, fast food, telemarketing, and I was once Santa’s helper. I’ve got experience in everything, but I’m qualified for nothing. So what kind of work should I go into (until I’m able to make a living as writer, that is)?