People who know me know my marriage hasn’t been the best. It started for all the wrong reasons and was a commitment made by two people who had been previously committed to others who had brutally hurt them. To say that we came in to this marriage with a lot of baggage is an understatement. We came in with moving vans full of baggage.
I wrote in a previous blog about how much better my marriage was than it had ever been. But I still go through times of unhappiness (and sometimes pretty bitter unhappiness) with my marriage. Last week was such a time. Up until last Tuesday evening. I even wrote a whiny blog last Tuesday morning but mentioned at the end of it that I was going to go to the prayer time that they have at the church every Tuesday evening.
But something interesting happened during the day.
First of all I went to the Proverbs 31 Ministries website and submitted a prayer request. I’ve found a great deal of inspiration and comfort from that website and was grateful that they had a link for submitting prayer requests. Secondly, I sent my pastor the same request in an email.
Before I continue, I want any readers of this to understand what my prayer request was for. It was not a request for God to change my husband. I complained about my husband in the request but ultimately the request was for God to change me.
I am married to a good man and a baby Christian. He’s been a Christian for less than a year…I’ve known God all my life (though I’ve only lived for Him for the last 10 years or so). My dissatisfaction in my marriage only plagues me when I take my eyes off God and put them on myself. I know today’s world says, “Look out for number 1!” but that is not what God says. And there is no joy in living the way the world suggests. I know because I’ve tried it. So my desire is to look only to God and then I know that my marriage will be able to be what it should be (and has been, despite our ups and downs). But, like I’m sure all Christians, I have a tendency to be selfish. I expect my husband to fulfill all my needs. Am I fulfilling all his? Probably not. Am I able to? No. The life of a Christian requires living in Grace. Through God’s strength only, are all things possible. And that includes fulfilling the requirements of being a wife (or husband). And I know I haven’t been submitting to God so that I could submit to my husband.
To continue on, it wasn’t long after I submitted those prayer requests that I began to feel lifted up. It’s truly amazing how prayer from people you may not even know will sustain you. So everything went better throughout the rest of Tuesday – the angst in my soul was considerably minimized.
Then I went to prayer at my church. And as those incredible prophets prayed over me I got back my short-term amnesia. The issues I was having took a back seat and even when I looked at them square in the face, they didn’t bother me.
I love the way God works in my heart.
I have written before about how women need to quit looking for their validation and affirmation in their men. Especially because, chances are, we are doing no better than they are. Only when we look only to God and spend time on our knees can we find true joy and contentment in this life in any circumstance that can come before us.
I need to spend more time talking to God and more time talking with my husband.
No relationship grows without communication.
Be immersed in His Grace,