I’m an unlikely prophet, but God seems to be using me this way these days. I’m not sure if what I’d like to share is totally from God or if some is from me. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death many times myself. God has taken children from my life as well, children I won’t meet until I get home to Heaven. I have a nephew and a sibling there. Of course, it’s not the same at all as losing a child of my own. I have, instead, buried several close friends and many, many relatives.
I’m the analytical researching type. The type of person I am makes being a Christian seem highly unlikely. But I have been with the Lord for over 30 years. It has, however, been only in the last 10 years (this past year in particular) that I have allowed God to really work in my life. I’d been holding onto pain with such a tight grip, which allows the enemy to use it freely, that God couldn’t work in my life. The only way God cannot heal you, is if you do not allow it. But now that I’ve finally surrendered fully to God, He has really healed me; of a lifetime of many hurts. He’s certainly not done healing me yet, I keep taking things back and then surrendering them to Him and then taking them back and so on, but I’m to a point where I can give back. Despair is not sitting on my back step anymore; I only see him when I take my eyes off Jesus and put them back on myself.
When you’ve been severed at the knees with trauma of whatever kind, but especially a death, it literally takes the life right out of you. Holding onto the resulting pain can help make you feel alive. But it’s not a life. It’s hiding in the grief closet of your heart. There’s only room for one there, and God can’t enter it if you don’t allow Him. In faith and trust in God, and through His strength, we must open that closet door. It needn’t open more than a crack at a time, but when we allow a crack in the door we allow God to come in and heal our wounds. And they can be healed. You can be healed. Many hold onto the anger because it puts off acceptance. If you put off acceptance then they’re not really gone, right? Wrong. Grief and anger put an impenetrable cloud around us, and this cloud not only blocks out God but it clouds our minds. Memories of loved ones lost come much more clearly when the cloud of grief has been diminished. As we are mortal, fallen humans, the grief cloud seldom disappears completely; I believe that it can, but I don’t think it happens often. But a mist you can see through, can’t you?
I believe everyone born on this planet is born with a purpose; God’s purpose. Every man, woman and child has a purpose. I mean, this life is just a dress rehearsal, isn’t it? God’s original intention was for man to live on earth as we one day will at Christ’s return. But sin entered the world and God changed His plans. We, instead, are given mortal bodies to use to become right with Him again; to build our godly character here on Earth, until our purpose on this earth is fulfilled. Then we get to go home. We go home when our purpose on earth is fulfilled.
Your son had a short stay on this planet, but he fulfilled his purpose. Two people coming into salvation as a result of a six-year-old boy is absolutely incredible! And remember that the salvation of one will often have a snowball effect. I’m sure many more are saved as an indirect result of this little boy. God didn’t give Zach to you for you. He gave him to you because He knew you were the right ones for the job; that you would steward him the way God wanted it done.
God doesn’t give us our children for us. As everything on this planet – our money, our bodies, everything – belongs to God, so do our children. And as we have to be stewards of the resources God provides, we are stewards of our children. But they are not ours – they are God’s.
I do not see death as something of sin or an evil thing from the enemy, though death is something that is necessary because of sin. It was not God’s original plan for us, but sin made Him change His plans. So now, this earth is our temporary home. Christ will not return until it is time. So, until then, the only way we can get to where we are supposed to be, when our purpose on life is fulfilled, is through physical death.
It seems so horribly unfair. We don’t have to like it. God never said we had to like it. We can even be angry and scream out “Why? Why? Why?” We don’t always get to know why. But we can know that Zach fulfilled his purpose on this planet. Nothing happens outside of God’s plans.
Relief from grief will only come with the strength of God, and He will give you that when you allow Him to.
2 Corinthians 1:5 says: For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
You have suffered much, you will be comforted much.
Matthew 5:4 says: Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
You are blessed. I do believe God gives special blessing to those who mourn, those who have to watch death come to those they love – Jesus would not have said so if it wasn’t true.
Come out of the closet of grief, or at least crack open the door. Let God in so He can give you new life. He loves you so and He has never left you. He knew what He was doing when He gave you Zach and He knew what He was doing when He took Zach home. Lean on Him and not your own understanding and your paths will be made straight. God bless you.
Be immersed in His glorious Grace,
P.S. I highly recommend reading Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman.