God has moved in incredible ways.
I was baptized in my church last week Sunday (March 6). In retaliation the enemy caused me so much pain in my back that I was practically begging God to kill me or take my legs completely but to at least take the pain with them.
My sister suggested, last Wednesday or Thursday, something that I had thought of before but didn’t have a name for. There are psychological disorders that manifest themselves physically. One of them is somatoform disorder. When I looked it up on the internet, it sure sounded like that could be me.
Last Thursday I had worship practice at my church. I was in so much pain it was hard to sing – I had to keep shifting around trying to find a position that offered at least a little relief. Somehow I got through the practice. As everyone was packing up to go the drummer, a lovely young man named Andy with funky hair, asked if he could pray for me. He told me that he felt that my pain was the enemy trying to knock me down especially since I was just baptized. I told him what my sister had suggested it may be, and when he prayed for me, with everyone else on the worship team standing around me and laying hands on me, he prayed not just for my physical healing, but for any psychological healing that I may need.
Friday morning I was in as much pain as ever, but as I posted on Friday, God healed me by 2 pm that day.
So the enemy changed tactics and attacked me at the level that’s still sensitive and vulnerable – the issues in my marriage.
As a result, because I allowed the enemy to influence me, my husband I ended up getting into it until late on Friday night and even into Saturday morning. I posted my resolve on Saturday.
But Saturday also ended up being a crazy busy day. It was my daughter’s birthday on Sunday, my sister’s was on the 7th and mine is this Wednesday, so we had a quickly planned celebration at my home for all those birthdays.
My ex-husband came, bringing along my sons (who go to his house every weekend). Without going into detail, I ended up being very upset by my ex-husband. Having not slept well and already being upset at my husband didn’t help matters. Needless to say he left, taking the boys with him. About an hour later I sent my husband to pick them up – it was a celebration for their mother’s birthday after all.
On top of all that I had plans for that evening that had been set up weeks ago. So it was a very short and hasty birthday celebration.
So I went to the event and sat there making Stampin’ Up photo albums surrounded mostly by women I didn’t know. I’m sitting there making the albums and trying to decide how to embellish them with the many choices of stickers that said “Love” and “you and me” and all sorts of romantic, lovey-dovey images.
By 8:30 I couldn’t take anymore. All this lovey-dovey stuff surrounding me and I had had my joyful healing from God be ruined by the 2 men in my life (of course it was more by my reactions to the 2 men of my life). Needless to say, I was feeling very much like all that lovey-dovey stuff was just crap. Since I couldn’t finish the albums without pictures anyway, I packed things up and headed out. The host of the Stampin’ Up party, and a great friend of mine, stopped me at the door to give me a birthday present for my daughter before I left.
She saw what was going on in my face. She asked me if I was okay and, as is usually the case I think for most women, that was all it took for me to break down. We headed to a private area where I could cry on her shoulder for a while.
I was still feeling miserable by the time I got home about 9:00 on Saturday night.
What I think really picked me up on Saturday was my husband. Since he became a Christian nearly a year ago, he has been such an example of the grace of God that it quite astounds me at times.
Despite the horrible things I had said to him that morning and the night before, he still lovingly bade me goodnight that night and on Sunday morning it was like nothing had happened.
Now I’m not saying that we ignore or avoid the issues. But what God has so wonderfully done in my husband, and in me, is give us both grace to extend to the other. Our issues are getting worked out very slowly, but for such broken people as we are, the healing in our hearts that is necessary for the survival of our marriage couldn’t come any faster it is.
I also think that God has given my husband an understanding of me that even he (my husband) doesn’t realize he has. I think he sees without realizing it where a lot of the crap I might dish out is really coming from.
We have come a long way, my husband and I, especially in the last year and probably only because we have the same focus; and that is becoming like Christ.
I am very grateful for my husband, even though he probably doesn’t always realize it. I guess I should tell him more often.
After all, love is something you do, not something you feel.
And doing love is only possible with God in your life. After all, God is love.