I’ve been sharing other people’s stuff more often than writing my own these days…shame on me.
I have had a difficult past 4 weeks or so, but that’s no excuse.
I’ve also hit a wall that I hit on occasion. I’m not sure what to call the wall. I just occasionally get to a point where I just don’t wanna do nuthin’. I’d rather send my 5-year-old to grandma’s house and sit on my computer and play games. I mean, I have chocolate chips in my larder. I could be baking something chocolate, but I just don’t have the motivation.
I’ve no motivation to read, I’ve no motivation to write. That’s why I’m writing about it, I’ve no motivation to write about anything else.
So what should I call this wall? The wall of apathy? I am feeling pretty unconcerned about everything. The wall of indifference? Maybe, but I’ve never really been the type to be indifferent about things. There are issues still striking me hard. The wall of lethargy? Hmmm…all things considered, I’d rather be sleeping. The Wall of Lethargy is a possibility, but there’s no pizzaz to it.
I wonder why I hit these walls on occasion. I guess it could be a remnant remaining from my days of clinical depression. I do have my occasional blue spells, though for the most part my depression seems to be gone.
I think some of my blue spells and wall of lethargy climbs come from spiritual nudges from the Spirit. There’s so much I wish I was doing for my kids but am not. There’s so much I wish I was doing for my husband, but I’m not. I want to spend all day in the presence of God, but I don’t. So maybe it’s nudges from the Spirit about what I should do and nudges of guilt from the enemy because we both know I’m not.
I can’t complain that I don’t have the time. I have time. I’m not working outside the home; I’m not spending much of it with my child who’s still at home; I haven’t been working on my course.
I have plenty of time.
I can complain that I don’t have the energy. I have sure been tired lately. I wonder why? It may be because of the 3 weeks of pain I just went through; that kind of thing does have a tendency to sap all the strength out of you. Maybe I haven’t been eating right. In all honesty, I can’t really remember how I’ve been eating. I’m sure I’ve been eating okay as I’ve been trying to do since January. I’ve even been doing my workouts regularly.
Yep, all things considered, I’d rather be sleeping right now.
Maybe it’s time to get my priorities shifted. With all the pain I was in I’m sure my eyes were on myself and not where they should have been. I was focused on my misery and not on God.
Maybe that’s what I need to do. Get my focus back where it’s supposed to be.
Time to spend some time in praise and worship of the God who has healed me.
Yes, that’s what I’ll do.
I’ll talk to you later 🙂