While we host some students from a bible college here on outreach, I’m under attack again.
I thought it was because yesterday was mother’s day, which is a hard day for my husband and I, but I’m not sure that’s all it is.
Mother’s day is hard for my husband because it makes him miss his mother.
Mother’s day is hard for me because I wish I could feel special at least one day a year, and my husband (and kids) never do anything for me.
Maybe I’m just selfish.
But, yesterday at church was really weird.
I felt panicky and upset almost the minute we stepped into the building. The students were inside the sanctuary practicing and just hearing them made me want to cry.
I ran to the bathroom twice during the worship because I couldn’t keep myself together. Some of my friends came and talked with me in there, and I told them it was because of mother’s day and issues in my marriage, and I was able to leave the bathroom and keep it together for most of the day.
But it took one instance of my husband not listening to me that afternoon and I fell to pieces. I attacked him quite brutally and he responded in kind.
I hadn’t felt like cutting myself in a long time but I did last night. (I won’t cut myself – I have wanted to many times during the days of having depression but never did because I knew in the back of my mind how foolish it was.)
I am under attack from the enemy again.
Please I need your prayers.