I’ve been going through a struggle.  And I’ve been going through it for a long time.

I’ve been a Christian for close to 35 years, but my walk has been erratic, and now I think I understand why.

My head knows who I am in Christ, but my heart can’t accept it.

I’ve been reading In Touch magazine lately.  It contains daily devotions written by Charles Stanley.  Some of them have been rather brutal.  Of course, I don’t mean brutally written, but that they’ve been hitting me where it counts.

One talked about why one would follow Jesus and challenged whether I was following Jesus because I wanted to follow Him or because I wanted something from Him.  I was greatly convicted of that.  I realized that that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.  Waiting for God to do for me before I will do for Him.  Waiting for Him to provide for my needs; waiting for Him to change my husband and kids into what I want.

But I haven’t been accepting Him.  Accepting His love for me; accepting His grace.

I have been so utterly selfish that I have stripped myself of His grace and now I’ve been feeling lost.  I haven’t been able to see any purpose for my life and feel completely useless.

But that is going to stop.  I am resolving to seek God’s will and to learn to completely surrender myself to Him.  Because that is what I never do.  I surrender and take back; then surrender and take back.  I’m getting tired.  I have to quit thinking I know better than God and give Him complete control.

I admit I am afraid.  I fear what God will ask of me.  I wish I knew how to conquer that fear.

Please pray for me.


About Sharon

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One Response to Identity

  1. Pingback: In The Beginning « In His Hands

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