I ran into a former lover yesterday.
I was sitting in the waiting area of the pediatrician’s office listening to my husband reading to our daughter and there he was, walking through the entrance with a pre-teen boy in tow.
Him, not the tween.
But there he was. At first glance I thought no way. When our appointment was over (Jordynn just had a cold) I went up to him and asked him if he was Todd. Sure enough he was.
And he was still with the woman he cheated on me with.
The woman who had been my friend.
I had even been the cause of the their meeting and now they had 4 kids together.
Some of that old hurt came back.
I had literally forgotten all about them until I saw him and he reminded me of her name. I think up until that point, when I said “I remember Nadine, she was my friend, ” he had forgotten that he started shtuping her when he was shtuping me. I got a sheepish look from him then.
It was 12 or so years ago when all that had happened, but I felt a twinge of pain as the memories came back. Then I felt annoyed with myself that I felt any pain at all over something that happened so long ago, especially when I was out running errands with my husband.
So what was the deal with that, I had to wonder?
I had literally forgotten all about them; Todd & Nadine hadn’t crossed my mind in years.
It looked like it had only been scabbed over and well hidden.
Was it because of how humiliating a cheater is? Was it how insulted I felt that he preferred heavy girls when I was as close to physical perfection at that time as I ever had been (and probably ever will be) ? I was around 125 lbs back then and, for the most part, could take my pick of men.
I think, however, it was probably more about what had hurt me the most about the whole situation so long ago. Someone, who I thought was my friend, started sleeping with my man behind my back. She really crushed me with that.
I had met her when I went to a community college to finish my high school. She was also a single mother, had a quirky sense of humor and a religious background. All those together connected us. I was seldom friends with women because I was often betrayed and used by them, but I dared to be friends with her.
Then she betrayed me in a way no one else had ever done.
Making friends with women has, for obvious reasons, often been so hard for me for most of my life. Guys have often been more accepting of my eccentricities and if they do betray me, I’ve always chalked it up to men being men. Todd wasn’t the one that really hurt me – he did what was typical of a man, by my standards at the time. But Nadine went behind my back and did what many consider unforgivable.
Who knows, maybe she and I would still be friends if she’d have just told me that they wanted to be together, instead of doing it behind my back and saying nothing.
After the pediatrician, yesterday, Brad & I went out for lunch with Jordynn and dropped her off at school. I was preoccupied with pondering the past and all the things I should have said to him when I had the chance, all through the drive to the Subway and to the school.
But then we hit the stores and did our shopping.
And before we left Wal-Mart, the first stop, Nadine & Todd were gone from my thoughts.
Interesting how that happens, especially for someone like me, who can’t help but stew about things.
I’ve only recently been learning about how much healing takes place in the hidden corners of one’s heart and mind. Secretly and quietly, rebuilding does take place.
Just like when you get a bad scrape on your knee. An ugly scab will cover the injury, and may stay there a while. But underneath, your skin cells rebuild and reattach until one day the scab falls off and there’s fresh new skin where there it had once been damaged and torn. Sometimes the new skin doesn’t look exactly like old skin does. But why should something new look the same as something old? A new creation shouldn’t look the same as it did before.
Interesting, the ways that God moves.