In the beginning I was extremely intelligent, could sing, and could write creatively.
My body has never worked well. As a child I was too tall and skinny and would twist an ankle every time I ran – I also had scoliosis, which makes the ability to bend or jump quite limited.
Things got really bad during my second pregnancy and between that one and the third, I could walk only with a cane, if at all.
Chronic tendinitis developed in my right wrist (and I am right handed) over the years till it became debilitating about 5 years ago. On bad days, I can’t hold a pencil or wipe my own ass. I’ve had to learn to do a lot of things left handed and I don’t do any of them well.
Then I had a mental break down 2 and a half years ago. My brain basically emptied of everything that meant anything to me. It fell to pieces and still hasn’t sorted itself out.
Thus end my intelligence. I can get confused trying to follow a recipe.
I haven’t been able to write creatively in a long time. I can’t even spell words correctly. Long ago I tried to read a book I think was called Intensity by Dean Koontz…I didn’t get past the first chapter because he descriptive style painted too real a picture. I’ve tried to read a different Dean Koontz novel recently and I can’t. He describes everything in such minute detail it bores me. But it doesn’t paint a picture anymore. Not even a vague one.
Thus ends my creativity. I couldn’t even create an invitation for my dad’s 70th birthday party.
As for singing, I’m getting deafer as time goes on. I already have one hearing aid and will soon have two. And besides, the joy I used to have in singing is gone. I spent all last summer trying to find it again and it wasn’t there.
Thus ends my singing.
So what sums up my life now?
Just 3 children I gave birth to, one who has nothing to do with me, one who hates me one day and tolerates me the next, and one who prefers her aunt because she has the means to give her more than I can.
Thus is the sum of my life.